i make no apologies

for saying what I feel… for being who I am… for how I chose to repair what you broke.
November 8, 2011

“that is a giant-ass bowl of fruit loops.”

This is what greeted me the other morning as I went to fill the coffee pot with water. Phone in hand, I couldn't help myself but share this with the world.... I mean, seriously. WTF

Immediately, this was facebook worthy. I mean, come on. How does this happen??

My facebook poll:

‎1. Did C forget about it before it got soggy?
2. Was he running late and didn’t have time to eat approximately 5 lbs of Fruit Loops?
3. He realized maybe our bellies weren’t designed to handle approximately 5 lbs of Fruit Loops? OR
4. He just thought the sink would enjoy some breakfast? Now accepting your best guesses…

By far, the comments of the day weren’t even votes:
” That is a giant-ass bowl of fruit loops.”
“He had to go fight crime. Dig for (Viking-sized) tights and leotards.”

midway through the commenting…
C’s response: ” God damnit, B. It’s Apple Jacks. Yes, the body is designed to handle that amount (Apple Jacks, not Fruit Loops). And I thought the sink would want to partake, but it still sits there. And, btw, the tights are easy to stash. The Viking helmet? Not so much.”

And the commenting resumed:
“I eat my cereal in mixing bowls too. I’m with him on this one.”
“I’ve started to notice most his replies to B’s statuses/photos start out with ‘Goddamnit, B…'”
“Maybe you should know your role, B,  and clean it up because your husband works hard all day and has the right to come home to clean house. In a related story, I like my coffee the way I like my women: Hot, sweet and always in the kitchen where it should be.”

C’s response: “I guess I, as well, like my woman like I like my coffee: hot and…bitter.”

Well played, C. Well played.

XOXO,
B

2 Comments
November 8, 2011

I like to buy things on sale. Or “How I came to buy this DreamWater crap”

So, recently I’ve developed a reallllly crappy cold.  The kind that knocks you on your ass and makes you forget if you’ve taken your over-the-counter meds or not.  The kind that makes you act slightly drunk at work because it turns out you already took one dose before you took the second.  Whoops.

But anyway, back to the Dream Water.

I was at the store in the cold/flu aisle, and was about to leave with my basket of overpriced drugs when I saw one of those red discount signs beckoning to me.  Discount signs kill me.  I mean, I’ve probably spent more money on crap that’s on sale that I use once, dislike, and throw away than on things I’ve bought full price and actually use.  This is what was on sale.

 I mean, who WOULDN’T buy this?  It’s called Dream Water, the flavor is Snoozeberry (a-freaking-dorable),, and there are pictures of sleepy sheep on the side.  Done.  Throw it in the cart.

Also, it’s usually 6 dollars and something odd cents, but it was on sale for $2.50 a 6 pack.  Sheep AND a heavy discount?  It’s like they saw me coming.

Here was B & my gchat convo about it:

E: i bought this shit called dream water
B: that sounds pretty hippie
E: Fuck no. I hate hippies.  They don’t believe in curling irons.

I do.  I really hate hippies.

But now what?  I have this in my fridge, staring at me whenever I open it to take out a Diet Coke.  The logical thing would be to try it.  However, it’s been sitting there for 5 days now while I went and did illogical things.  Tonight, I figured there was no time like the present, and as we speak, a “shot” of this is sitting next to me on the couch, staring me in the face.

So I manned up and took the shot of Dream Water, only to discover after twisting the empty cap back on that it says “Best By Jul 28, 2011”.  Awesome.  I wonder if this means it will turn into Dream Water, or some other sketchy side effects.  Or maybe it won’t do anything, and I’ll have been suckered in by the discount/clearance signs yet again.

I figure it can’t be worse than the Pressbox 21 I took on my birthday, which you’re made to do over a garbage can.  For good reason.

Xoxo,

E

1 Comment
November 8, 2011

Dear B (and readers of the blog) , Love E.

Dear B,

   Oh, I'm READY.  Ready to do this shit.  Everyone should probably know
that I'm the one who finally forced us into doing this, and therefore
should get the top billing when this blog is made into a book, and then a
movie, a la "He's Just Not That Into You".  Eventually it will make its way
into cable syndication, where hungover sorority girls will watch it in lounges
on TNT or E! network, just like we use to do.
  I agree, we think we know everything about each other, but I'm sure we're
going to run across things that we somehow forgot to tell each other (like
the incredibly sad but funny Rubbermaid story).  IMNA is just another medium 
for us to share our discussions, our stories, our one liners, and our
incredibly-important-check-your-email/phone/texts-right-now-moments.
Do I expect everyone to understand us?  No. At times, I don't even understand
us, or even myself, so it's probably asking a lot for 
random people to understand the force that is B&E.  

Here are some things that I think you should know, in conjunction with B's list. 

1) Grammar IS slutty, but I will call you out and mock you in regards to fucking
up "you're, your", "they, they're, their", or "to, too". I've broken up with people
for this repeated mistake and I have no regrets.  

2.  I love Gossip Girl and Greek, and will reference those series all the time.
Either wiki that shit, or start at Season One, because Chuck and Blair wait for no one. 

3. I am pretty all the damn time.  Its hard, but I make it work.   And by that, I 
mean not at all.  

4. I still don't know how we became friends, but that doesn't matter.  Much like a
great deal of our friendship, we're not quite sure what exactly happened, but we know
we like the end result.
Xoxo,
E
1 Comment
November 2, 2011

Dear E. Love, B.

Dear E,

Buckle up, bitch. Here we go. It’s probably about damn time we do this. I mean, we’ve only been talking about it for a year.  We are about to share our deepest tug-of-war-with-the-effing-heartstrings thoughts and our day-to-day ridiculousness with whomever is blessed enough to happen upon this masterpiece.  Lucky bitches! If only they could bear witness to our chats and texts… oh wait.  Some of those will likely show their heads here as well. I make no apologies.

While we think we know prettymuchfuckingeverything about each other, I’m sure that here on IMNA we’ll learn secrets (Are they secrets after they’ve entered the blogosphere?? Blogosphere? Should I never use that word again?) about each other that we otherwise would never know. Here we’ll be reminded of stories we’ve long forgotten (or buried DEEP down inside), some that will sympathy-break our hearts again, some that will make fresh heart cracks, and some that will just crack our shit up.

(I have no transition to this next part.)

Here are some things you should know (Both for the blog’s sake and just because.):

  1. Grammar is slutty. She likes to be used. But sometimes I will fuck shit up. Just please grant me forgiveness and read on for my purely awesome content.
  2. There will be no “Keeping Calm and Carrying On.” I will smack a bitch hard if he/she disses you in the Comments. (Actually this applies to IRL situations as well.  Like in bars. Like when a guy uses the word “tits” in reference to your corseted boobs.  Not that you can’t handle yourself, because you clearly can/did/do. I’m just sayin’. When you’re done handling it, I will handle it. This bish don’t play.)
  3. I never believed I’d have a best friend that I could share all of this with and have confidence that it wouldn’t be used against me in some evil fashion later. You know, this shit is blackmail material— pure bitch fodder. Please don’t ever fall in hate with me, or my. life. is. over.
  4. So yeah, you officially have access to all the documented ugly things that go on in my head/heart/history/present/life. Be gentle. I can’t be pretty allthedamntime, mmmkay?

i make no apologies... for this awesome Venn diagram. I'm not Venn. I'm B.

You know you love me.

XOXO,
B

Blogger commentary after this post was posted:

E: “The chart is effing awesome. Those circles are perfect. Clearly you used something to trace them.”
B: “Clearly. I knew it was going to look shitty enough with perfect circles, so I couldn’t risk any more shittiness.”
E: “Bwhaha”
B: “No one needs to believe that B is a 3rd grader with sexual experience and a potty mouth.”
E: “Bwahaha”

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