i make no apologies

PART I

I am confident

that you have no idea the effect you have on me.
Or how jealous I am when I think about you hanging out with someone else, and it doesn’t matter who they are, male or female. I just wish I was in their place, being with you.

Or how it hurts when I come to your town and don’t see you.
Or if/when I see you on the sidewalk, that’s all, because you don’t invite me anywhere. And you always let me go.
And the next time we talk about it (a year later), you say, “You didn’t even tell me you were coming.”
And I want to say (but I don’t because it scares the shit out of me), “Because I’m scared that one of these times you… just won’t care.”

that you have no idea that I dig out your letters a few times a year to read them and just feel close to you. Like when I told you the things I didn’t tell anyone else and trusted you with all of it. And when you trusted me too.

Or how I wonder whom you’re with at any given time and whom you take home to your bed for the night, and I’m jealous, without any right to be. But jealousy doesn’t come with rights: it’s just jealousy. And it doesn’t consume me, it just sits there and lets me feel it.

And I think that at one time, you maybe had those kinds of thoughts about me, but

I am confident

that you don’t anymore.

XOXO,
B

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