Dear E. Love, B.

by imakenoapologies

Dear E,

Buckle up, bitch. Here we go. It’s probably about damn time we do this. I mean, we’ve only been talking about it for a year.  We are about to share our deepest tug-of-war-with-the-effing-heartstrings thoughts and our day-to-day ridiculousness with whomever is blessed enough to happen upon this masterpiece.  Lucky bitches! If only they could bear witness to our chats and texts… oh wait.  Some of those will likely show their heads here as well. I make no apologies.

While we think we know prettymuchfuckingeverything about each other, I’m sure that here on IMNA we’ll learn secrets (Are they secrets after they’ve entered the blogosphere?? Blogosphere? Should I never use that word again?) about each other that we otherwise would never know. Here we’ll be reminded of stories we’ve long forgotten (or buried DEEP down inside), some that will sympathy-break our hearts again, some that will make fresh heart cracks, and some that will just crack our shit up.

(I have no transition to this next part.)

Here are some things you should know (Both for the blog’s sake and just because.):

  1. Grammar is slutty. She likes to be used. But sometimes I will fuck shit up. Just please grant me forgiveness and read on for my purely awesome content.
  2. There will be no “Keeping Calm and Carrying On.” I will smack a bitch hard if he/she disses you in the Comments. (Actually this applies to IRL situations as well.  Like in bars. Like when a guy uses the word “tits” in reference to your corseted boobs.  Not that you can’t handle yourself, because you clearly can/did/do. I’m just sayin’. When you’re done handling it, I will handle it. This bish don’t play.)
  3. I never believed I’d have a best friend that I could share all of this with and have confidence that it wouldn’t be used against me in some evil fashion later. You know, this shit is blackmail material— pure bitch fodder. Please don’t ever fall in hate with me, or my. life. is. over.
  4. So yeah, you officially have access to all the documented ugly things that go on in my head/heart/history/present/life. Be gentle. I can’t be pretty allthedamntime, mmmkay?

i make no apologies... for this awesome Venn diagram. I'm not Venn. I'm B.

You know you love me.

XOXO,
B

Blogger commentary after this post was posted:

E: “The chart is effing awesome. Those circles are perfect. Clearly you used something to trace them.”
B: “Clearly. I knew it was going to look shitty enough with perfect circles, so I couldn’t risk any more shittiness.”
E: “Bwhaha”
B: “No one needs to believe that B is a 3rd grader with sexual experience and a potty mouth.”
E: “Bwahaha”